{Learning the Hard Way}

I've had a hard time lately.

When I turned thirty I wasn't sad. I was just glad I made it and swore I would never choose to go back to twenty without taking my wisdom with me, most of which was learned the hard way.

I didn't realize how much more I would learn.

Life is hard. The people in my life aren't hard but there is so much to be done. I am realizing that the ambitions or imaginations I had as a young wife, college graduate, and mother were different than what life is. I am different. I am not the wife or the mother I imagined I would be. Or even who I want to be much of the time. I am tired.

Today Channa was momentarily escaping the effects of fever and begging to go outside. The weather hadn't turned chilly yet and Brylin and Brant were both feeling better. I asked them to go jump on the trampoline with her for a minute. I rushed through the house gathering the trash from each of the garbage cans, knowing Channa wouldn't let me take it outside without her later, and stopped to watch them through the opened window for a minute. Their giggles and squeals sounded as delightful as the birds chirping above them. When I called hello they cheered over the bright green leaves sprouting in our tree. They were happy. Carefree. For a moment, not fighting. And absolutely joyful.

As I hurried with the garbage to the front door, Brant met me as I flung it open. Of course being the mother that I am I was barely able to contain a scolding tone as I blurted out:

"What are you doing out front?"

He smiled and replied "We are just coming in." 

That's when I saw it and he saw me look at it.  

"It's for you!" he said excitedly holding up one of the bright yellow dandelions peppering our front lawn. 

Grateful I hadn't been too harsh about him coming through the front door by the busy street, I thanked him and ushered him in the house with the flower. 

{Ignore the tired mom and orphan appearance from the boy who always wipes his face on his shirt}

Later this evening I was sitting on our bed playing with Bryce and Channa when I looked up and saw it. Carefully laid on our {dusty} alarm clock was a wilted yellow dandelion. Thoughfully placed where he knew I would know it was for me. 

How sweet is that? Better than a dozen long stem roses. 

Sometimes we aren't who we imagined we would be and don't do all that we dreamed we might. But, if we love and we are loved, we are doing the most important. And I am guessing when we turn forty, we will never want to give back what we learn in our thirties, especially if it is learned the hard way.